You know the saying "you never know what you had until it's gone." Well, I have recently decided that you also don't know (or forget) what you're missing until you have it. I have done a lot of dating... okay, not a ton but I have had a few relationships in my life, some more serious than others, some just a few weeks long, some a few months, and a couple for a few years. Those guys are all special people and each have unique qualities that attracted me to them, but it's like Bono sang so beautifully - "I still haven't found what I'm lookin' for."
It's interesting, while I was in these relationships, there are behaviors and red flags that I was completely willing to ignore because I would think "he's such a good guy" or "he has a good heart and means well," when in reality, I deserved better. For the past year or so, people in my life would ask me why I wasn't dating so-and-so and my response was always, "I am getting too old and life is too short to waste my time with someone who isn't crazy about me." The funny thing is, deep down, I really didn't think it was possible to find someone who was crazy about me.
So I signed up for internet dating a while back in order to officially "move on" and immediately started talking to a guy that - on paper - was everything I thought I wanted in a man. We got out all the deal-breakers up front (which, by the way, I do not recommend. It seems like a good idea, but it creates a very false sense of intimacy with someone you don't really know. Figure those things out as you get to know one another!) and when we met, it was obvious (in hindsight) that he was very under-whelmed with me. I don't know if it was my looks, personality, or what, but he was just not that into me. The problem, though, is that I didn't see that so clearly at the time. I attributed his behavior to nervousness, poor social skills, and a plethora of other excuses. I am not knocking this guy, seriously... he seems like a really amazing guy that is going to be a wonderful husband and father when he finds what he's looking for, but that wasn't me... and I was already willing to settle for a feeling of doubt before we even started dating. Is that messed up or what?
After not hearing from him for a while and realizing what was going on, I decided to spend some time on me and just have fun doing what I love to do, so I went to sing karaoke with some friends and randomly met a guy there. Fast forward to now, and we are learning so much about each other, getting the deal-breakers out as they come up, but the thing that I can't believe I was missing for so long is that he tells me all the time that I am beautiful and that he likes being around me. I had forgotten what it was like to feel beautiful! Words can not express the confidence boost of a man telling you that you are beautiful (especially when they see you on a day you weren't planning on seeing them so you don't have any makeup on and your hair is dirty)! Let me be clear - I am not shallow enough to think that looks are the end all-be all, but for someone to make you feel beautiful is a gift. And maybe this relationship will work out, maybe not, it's too early to make predictions, but I hope I remember this feeling forever and never settle for less! :)