Tuesday, October 11, 2011

A little update... a little ramble... a little about me.

So, in my previous post I talked about the guy who made my heart flutter.  Oh yes, he made it flutter an awful lot!!  And then... all of the sudden... he just wasn't into me.  It's interesting, I have the book "He's Just Not That Into You" as I am sure I have mentioned here before, and it really should be required reading material for girls who are dating.  Not everything in the book will line up with people's values, but the general concepts in the book are spot-on.  I pulled out that book about three weeks ago because I was having a weird gut feeling about the boy and wanted to see what the wise book said about my situation.  Seriously, that should be my first clue.  If I have to consult a book "He's Just Not That Into You" to determine what the guy is thinking, I should count that as good intuition and just start the healing process, right?  Well, the book was inconclusive - kind of - it was too early in my relationship to really tell if I should worry yet or not, so I went with the whole not-worrying thing.

Apparently, I should have worried.  What I wish I could figure out, though, is... WHAT IS THE DEAL?  I guess guys are born with a different switch in their brain that can be REALLY into someone and then all of the sudden not.  Maybe it's not a gender thing, but I was just not born with that.  I was so happy with this guy... as I said in my previous post, he made me feel beautiful - something I haven't felt in many years.  Everything just seemed to be... well, perfect.  I guess I was the only one who felt that way, though... and that's okay.  He wasn't a jerk, so I am not mad at him.  He just wasn't into me and you can't fault a guy for that, right?

People tell me I need to be more careful about guarding my heart and waiting to trust.  I can't believe I am going to say this, but I think they're wrong.  Yes, that means I get hurt more than my fair share, but after all I have been through, I think it is a testament to God that I have the ability to trust like I've never been on the receiving end of unfaithfulness and the ability to love as if I've never been hurt.  I'd really rather go into new relationships all in, than to try to be someone I'm not - guarded and emotionally closed.  That's just not me.  I am an open book.  An open, trusting, loving, optimistic book.  I just pray that God send someone my way that can appreciate that and treat it carefully.  And man, I wish He would hurry.

****EDIT 10/22/2011 - Yes, I will keep on trusting and loving... but thanks to speaking to him again one more time and the wonders of the internet, I found out that yes, he was actually a jerk and yes, I was getting played for who knows how long.  He has a girlfriend now and I can't believe I fell for the nice guy thing... AGAIN.  Lame.

2 comments:

  1. I absolutely agree with you on disagreeing with the people who say you should wait to trust someone. I think you've got it right...even if right now it hurts.
    You are in my prayers...I love you and all your open book-ness!

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  2. I think you're right too. Because, as I think I heard you quote...I think it was Beth Moore...if you still have scars that hurt then you aren't healed. I think that being able to guard yourself is not necessarily a good thing. Jesus came to the earth knowing that He would be rejected but He still gave us His all anyway, right? :) You're awesome, Sarah! I've been missing your "What I Wore" posts!

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