Sunday, January 5, 2014

My New Year's Resolution

It seem that everywhere I turn, I see and hear things about weight loss.  From pictures in magazines, women on TV, even facebook status updates from friends, I am bombarded with the idea that skinny=good.  For years, I have struggled with my weight.  Even at my very best shape, I have never been skinny.  I will never be skinny.  I even had a type of eating disorder for about 6-8 months and dropped a ton of weight, and was not ever skinny.

This past year, a lot has changed in my life.   I married my wonderful husband, moved him here to Texas, started working more than ever, and somewhere in the process of all that, gained about 15 pounds that I really didn’t need to gain.  It’s been bothering me since I noticed it.  I immediately changed what I thought was causing the weight gain, hoping that those 15 pounds would magically fall off the same way the fell on, but so far, that hasn’t happened.  I keep wanting to drastically change my diet, or get back into my running habit, all with the goal of losing not only those 15 pounds, but 15-20 more.
But ya know what?  This year, I’ve decided that enough is enough.  I refuse to believe that I have to live my life in a constant state of trying to lose weight.  I see people around me carefully counting every single thing that goes into their mouth and worrying about how much exercise that will require later and, frankly, I have no desire to live in that kind of bondage. Here’s the thing – I have done it all.  No-carb, low-carb, weight watchers, counting calories, scheduled fasting, smaller portions, eat-clean, shakes, lean cuisines, etc.  And ya know what?  I have lost weight with a lot of those.  If weight loss is your goal, then trust me, I can point you in some right directions.  But I’ve decided that I want a different goal.

This year, my goal is multi-faceted: to love my body the way it is right now, to eat things that make my body feel good, and to do physical activities that I enjoy because I enjoy them and not with the goal of losing weight.  So what does that look like for me?  That means I need to go buy some more pants in a size that fits me now instead of crying every time I can’t fit into my old ones.  That means I can do an eat-clean diet because I know it makes me feel good, and not because I want to lose weight.  It means I can run and I can train for a race without getting frustrated that I haven’t dropped any weight, because that was always my underlying goal of every race I’ve ever run and it never worked.

Maybe I’m alone here, but man… I’m just tired.  Tired of the impression I get from the world that “skinny” is the ultimate achievement.  Not sure if anyone else is feeling this way, too, but if you are let’s encourage each other.  I’m ready to be completely content with my not-skinny self!